Rosie had grown up in a family that had to be very careful with money. Her dad died when she was very young, giving her the feeling that you must "live for today". She felt wonderful when she bought things for the house and gifts for James and her friends to show them how much she loved them. James had grown up with a father who had taught him to save, as money provided security. He felt there must be some money for leisure but beyond that spending was unwise and foolish. He had invested money in shares that he had not told Rosie about, lest she "get her hands on that as well".

Karen explained that each had a different perspective on the role and value of money and each believed that their own perspective was the correct one. Each had an expectation that the other felt the same way, yet they had never discussed their differences! Once each could see the other's point of view, they were prepared to compromise.

Rosie felt secure knowing that James was planning for their future. James acknowledged Rosie's spending as her expression of love and generosity. Rosie's initial resentment of not being told about the secret shares waned once she understood James' need to not tell her. She agreed to contain her spending and save part of her salary. James agreed to speak to her calmly about his anxiety if she requested money from their savings.

Often resentment and anxiety over money builds because one partner spends differently to the other's expectations. When feelings boil over find out why your partner spends the way he/she does - what their norm is - and check how different that is to your idea of "right". Then compromise so that money does not feature as a source for negative emotions in your relationship.