Cheryl was married with a young son and happy enough with her relationship and life in general. Her husband loved her dearly and provided well for them, but he often travelled on business - leaving her to manage as a single parent. She had known this would happen when they moved to Singapore, but hadn't anticipated how lonely and bored she'd become while he was away.

When Cheryl was invited to a "girls night out" she readily agreed. It was on one of these outings that she met Martin. Cheryl enjoyed the attention of another man and justified her affair by the increased happiness that flowed into her marriage. She had more energy and bounce, was a more enthusiastic mum, and a more tolerant and attentive wife. She no longer felt bored.

When Martin announced he was leaving Singapore and would not stay in contact, Cheryl was dumbfounded. She believed she had fallen in love with Martin and now felt dumped by him. She was grief stricken and felt stupid at not having stopped to think about where the relationship was going.

Karen explained that when you are first attracted to someone, chemicals released by the brain produce a real "high" - feelings of pleasure and heightened excitement. These feelings ease after a while, but a secret relationship extends the euphoria. When a love affair is interrupted, a person grieves the loss of these fabulous feelings.

Cheryl realised that she had been in love with love. Since she never had any intention of leaving her husband, it was time to get busy with activities that distracted her from thinking about Martin.

Whilst it is wonderful to re-experience the chemical attraction to someone new, keep in mind that the feelings last only with absences and obstructions to the new relationship. When you finally get together with your new lover, feelings will return to normal. Before embarking on an affair, assess the potential grief and guilt that you may experience. It often helps to talk to a to help with that assessment.