Matthew was no longer seeing the other woman outside work, but was uncertain about disclosing the affair to his wife, whom he knew would be very hurt. He felt it was unfair of him to ease his guilt by disclosing the information to his wife now that the affair was over.

Karen explained the importance of trust to a relationship. A woman who learns that her trusted partner has been with another woman, experiences the trauma of betrayal. If she learns of the betrayal from a source other than her partner, she also experiences deceit. For many women, being deceived is the most difficult emotion to come to terms with, as suspicions of other situations take over one's thought processes. "If you have withheld this information, what else haven't you told me?" Matthew could see that if he confessed his affair, his wife would have to cope with the shock of betrayal, but she would not feel deceived by him as well.

When Matthew admitted the affair to his wife, she felt relieved that he had finally disclosed what she had suspected for some time. She told Matthew that she was glad she knew the truth, and felt that she could still trust him. She believed that there had been no other affairs prior to this one, as Matthew would have told her.

A man will usually justify to himself that if there has been a short affair, he should protect his partner from pain, and not tell. In fact, he is protecting himself from the anticipated pain of feeling guilt and the marriage breaking up because of the betrayal. Broken trust hurts, but the longer it goes on, the deeper the pain. It is the deception following a betrayal that is more likely to cause the break up of a relationship.