Email
Karen
Phone (65)
9816 5651
| The
inner voice By Karen Gosling, counseling Director |
|
 In this series of real-life case studies, Karen Gosling recounts client stories compiled from Gosling International's files. The permission of clients has been obtained to present these case histories. Names and places used have been changed to protect cilent privacy. |
| Introduction | |
| Everyone has an inner voice. It is the conversation you have with yourself, in order to make decisions (which ice-cream shall I buy?) or to discern between pain and pleasure. Sometimes it appears to be thoughts in your head, at other times a feeling without any real thought attached to it, but a feeling that you believe to be true because it is so apparent to you (eg. my partner doesn't appreciate me, s/he just takes me for granted). | |
| The inner voice is always negative and destructive, and appears louder and more vocal when a person is vulnerable and feeling stressed. People who are sensitive (who feel their feelings with intensity) will usually have a louder inner voice than a person who "lets go" of things more quickly. The voice accompanies you wherever you go, and makes its presence felt in your thoughts even when uninvited. It can change a feeling of sheer delight or pride to one of dismay in an instant, with the result that you never feel the same strong positive feeling again, even when you do try to recapture it. | |
| This is the inner voice, the one that attacks, judges, or minimises. | |
 |
|
| Case Study 1 | |
| Louise,
an Australian woman in her 30's, had come to Singapore with her husband
6 months earlier but had not found work since arriving. She decided
to fulfill a long time dream of furthering her study, now that she
had time, and before they had children. She enrolled in and commenced
a post-graduate degree through Monash University in Victoria, Australia. |
|
| Louise
had experienced boredom, loneliness, homesickness and a loss of self-esteem
since being in Singapore. She had tried to get involved in a few activities,
but felt the climate too hot (for outdoor sports) or that she was
too different (no children or car) from some of the other expatriate
women. The study was a fulfilling decision. |
|
| In
counseling, Louise was introduced to the concept of the inner voice
as a means of helping her combat her diminished feelings of self-esteem
and feelings of being different. The week after being introduced to
her inner voice (otherwise known as the inner critic) she was eager
to tell me her story. In recent weeks, she had worked hard on her
first paper for her course of study, had researched well and been
pleased with her efforts. During the past week, she had obtained the
results of this paper in the post. She ripped open the envelope and
excitedly read that she had done very well - 87% - a distinction!
She was thrilled and proud and cried "Yes" as she fisted the air with
pleasure. But, she said, this great feeling lasted for only about
8 seconds. Then the voice in her head said to her, "He must have been
an easy marker. Everyone else probably got a distinction as well."
|
|
|
|
| Case Study 2 | |
| Susan
remembered looking patiently for a pair of sandals over a period of
3 to 4 months that suited her rEQuirements. She wanted black strappy
sandals, with a strap also at the back, in her size and within her
budget. Every time Susan was at her shopping center, she looked, but
there was never anything there even remotely like what she was after.
That was OK. She was in no rush. |
|
| Then
one day, there they were, on the shelf in the window of one of the
many shoe shops at the shopping center! Just what she had been after!
New stock had arrived, and she went in, tried on, and purchased a
pair, all in the space of about 4 minutes. Susan was delighted, and
bounced lightly out of the store with her new sandals in the box under
her arm, feeling very proud about the achievement of her purchase
after showing such patience. She even remembered the smile on her
face and the warm feeling of pleasure. But only for For about 30 seconds. |
|
| No
sooner was Susan out of the store, and faced with many other stores
nearby, then her inner voice was back. "You were too hasty," it said.
"New stock has arrived everywhere. If you had only looked around a
little bit more, you might have found these sandals for less, somewhere
else." Her pleasure was gone. Wrecked by the critic. Even when Susan
justified her rapid purchase to herself (actually to her critic) immediately
afterwards, and protested that her time was valuable and that she
was indeed happy with what she had paid for the sandals, the critic
had left her feeling dissatisfied. The pleasure was gone. The negative
feelings had returned. |
|
|
|
| Dealing With The Inner Voice | |
|
|
| Outcome | |
| In
counseling, Louise and Susan learned how to manage their critic,
how to defend themselves against the voice, actually the voice of
low self-esteem. They both recognised that this was a tool they would
be able to use for the remainder of their lives. |
|
 |
|
|
Karen Gosling is counseling Director at Gosling International. She is a graduate of the University of South Australia and holds a Master of Public Health from the University of Adelaide. Karen is a Registered Social Worker in Singapore and is a member of the Australian Association of Social Workers and the Singapore Association of Social Workers. Gosling International is a leading emotional leadership consultancy based in Singapore, serving committed clients worldwide. Goslings mission is one of education and empowerment; to elevate emotional well-being. Gosling International provides face-to-face, telephone and email emotional leadership consultations for individuals, couples, and family groups. If you want a professional to help you with behavioural change or deal with your emotional distress, personal problems, or are simply troubled by your feelings, phone Karen or Mike Gosling on (65) 6281-5157. Consulting
Rooms (by appointment): |