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| Relocation
Support By Karen Gosling, counseling Director |
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 In this series of real-life case studies, Karen Gosling recounts client stories compiled from Gosling International's files. The permission of clients has been obtained to present these case histories. Names and places used have been changed to protect cilent privacy. |
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| Introduction | |
| Fiona,
early 30's, married, no children, was referred to GOSLINGS by her
doctor because of stress and trouble settling into Singapore. She
said that she felt "unbelievably depressed" and had general anxiety
that seemed to be swamping her. She and her husband had been in Singapore
for 6 weeks, in this their first overseas assignment. Both had moved
to Singapore willingly and with the usual amount of nervous excitement
(well, perhaps more than usual as there had only been 2 months notice
that the move was actually happening!). |
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| Since arriving, Fiona had made good attempts to settle in by joining a support network for business women, and getting involved in some voluntary work. She had left behind a satisfying career as a software consultant, and hoped to find work in Singapore once she had "found her feet". | |
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| 's assessment | |
| Fiona knew nobody apart from her husband
with whom she could reveal her true feelings - at this stage, people
were acquaintances, not friends. Her husband seemed not to understand
- he was at work all day, building up his work credibility and social
contacts. Fiona felt she spent hours alone and yearned for his companionship,
yet when she would tell him her feelings, with the hope of having
her feelings validated, she found that instead, he would become frustrated
with her. |
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| This reinforced the guilt she already
felt. After all, other women would envy her situation - not having
to work, living in an exotic place, the gateway to Asia, no money
worries. So what was wrong with her? Why did she feel so depressed?
She found that she really missed her work, and missed her financial
independence. She missed her day-to-day work friends (which surprised
her) and missed terribly the Sunday night dinners at her mum's place,
which had been a family tradition for years, for whomever of the family
could attend. |
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| With prompting, Fiona could also identify
loss at not being able to attend her regular gym, also loss of the
old feelings of being a worthwhile person. The latter had been compounded
by the fact that Fiona had sent out many CV's to potential employers
in Singapore, and to that date had not had a single response. She
said she felt like waving and calling out "Hello, does anybody out
there know I'm here?" - a wonderful description of the isolation that
she was feeling. |
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| Work done in counseling | |
| The
validated Fiona's feelings, and labeled the experience she was going
through as relocation trauma. This is a situation where, following
a move, a person can feel grief at the loss of all the familiar things
at home, and experience completely new feelings in a new environment.
Due to the fact that many of the emotional and physical responses
are unfamiliar, a person can feel out of control or even fearful that
his/her body is emitting signs of an undiagnosed medical condition. |
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| The
was able to provide Fiona with a strategy of reframing
to enable her to continue functioning in spite of her feelings. Reframing
involves looking at the problems being faced from a slightly different
perspective, in order to consider new options for solving them. This
gives rise to hope, that different actions will bring about a solution.
The provided reassurance that in time, by utilizing the
suggested strategy, Fiona would regain a feeling of being in control.
The also provided information about resources for social
and professional networking. |
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| Outcome | |
| Fiona
returned for one more counseling session several weeks later. She
had been for three job interviews in the meantime and had received
one job offer. She felt a return of control as she considered the
choice of whether to accept the job offer. Fiona was back to her "normal
self" - able to manage the stresses in her life and feeling more
settled in Singapore. |
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Karen Gosling is counseling Director at Gosling International. She is a graduate of the University of South Australia and holds a Master of Public Health from the University of Adelaide. Karen is a Registered Social Worker in Singapore and is a member of the Australian Association of Social Workers and the Singapore Association of Social Workers. Gosling International is a leading emotional leadership consultancy based in Singapore, serving committed clients worldwide. Goslings mission is one of education and empowerment; to elevate emotional well-being. Gosling International provides face-to-face, telephone and email emotional leadership consultations for individuals, couples, and family groups. If you want a professional to help you with behavioural change or deal with your emotional distress, personal problems, or are simply troubled by your feelings, phone Karen or Mike Gosling on (65) 6281-5157. Consulting
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